Yep… Pretty much.
Yep… Pretty much.
So the ex and I decided to work things out.
well as we have been in the process of doing this he’s been hanging out with this girl I used to work with at a previous job (now she works with me at the casino). sure you can have female friends I dont care I have guy friends…
and now they’re together… and
I had people at work telling me and I brushed it off because they said it about a different girl and it wasnt true… so I figured the same this time right? nope. I had to ask him and he said yes they are together now. and how sorry he is that it has to end this way and that he should have told me sooner and nothing he can say will make me feel better… I work with all black girls 1 gay black guy… and one other white girl… and one of the black girls was like you know he knows he’s wrong because he dont never walk around with his head down… I just can’t believe this is happening… at all.
now i know what i’m doing every night for the rest of forever..
Haven’t had much time to get on and blog… It’s been rough… Really rough… Down a total of 12 lbs… Things with the mean girl keep going and going… not sure she will stop… We fought a bit today… made me feel worse…. he was SO good to me.. SO SO . Literally and figuratiely kissed my feet. always asking if I need a massage am I ok does my back hurt he’ll massage it. do my feet hurt he’ll rub them. what do I want to do on our days off etc…
I have been looking for this all morning. SO glad I found it. Lots of tears from the left side… Lots.
Things were better today…. I got full rest last night… first time since Sunday… Hooray!! Then I woke up and cleaned out my wallet…. and found the sweetest note from you… I remember you writing it a while ago and placing it in my lunch box.
It even has a heart drawn around it… How did we go from that to this? I really hope we can eventually work things out…. If not who knows when I’ll be over this….
Never cared about someone so much as I do you…
I got up and went to work…. Teared up a bit but not much… Each day getting better….
Got invited to a tequila/margarita party for Tuesday… Should be good fun…
I ate a few pieces of bread and an apple today… So far so good being able to keep food down….
cried a bit in the car listening to music but that will happen a lot…. Tomorrow is the last day I have to be completely alone with this…. Friday is going to be the longest day ever.
P.S. I still need my container back…
Monday, Day 0 10:30 AM
The hardest part and the hardest day to deal with…. Right when it happens… How did it happen? Why couldn’t you just talk to me about what was bothering you, when it started to bother you? WHY did yo wait until the last minute when it pushed you over the edge? You just said you didn’t want to talk about that stuff, you wanted to talk about other things… Great, see how easy it was to say during the break up? WHY didn’t you say it back then? Why…. It was wrong of her to tell you I blew up on her…. It was by accident, I didn’t mean to… You know how I felt about the situation and I was trying to be cool with it but old feelings on the issue arose and it just happened… I apologized to her, and said I didn’t mean to…. Yet she still told you…. She had a bad night, I bought her a cinnamon roll, I thought that was a friendship beginning. Nice deed for nice deed the start of two people becoming friends— I guess not! Three panic attacks, lots of vomiting and crying…. Lots of Sara Evans, Shania Twain, and Lady Antebellum to get me through the night….
Tuesday Day 1:
Things are better…. Actually kept a few pieces of bread down… But still down about 7-8 lbs… From throwing up and not eating…. Able to keep water down…. I don’t deal well with stress…. I have major anxiety… Really wanting a large glass of wine but probably a REALLY bad idea seeing that I haven’t ate since 2am on Monday morning…. 8 hours before the whole thing happens… I actually left the house today… I had to fill up my car, it was on empty… It needs oil too… Hopefully I can make it without oil until payday… I also went to Walmart to get some 7up…. Put on my face in case I ran into you or anyone else that knows about the breakup…. Saw my favorite bar tender… She smiled but doesn’t know yet about what happened…. Probably going to go in on Thursday and chat with her. No one loves ya more than your bar tender, especially when you tip well! ;)
anyway writing this on Day 2, Wednesday which has just begun…. so that post will come later tonight…. I got some sleep but kept waking up every two hours…. Hopefully soon I can sleep straight through the night/day…